even my farts smell like vagina
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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