I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
