I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
