The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
