I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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