this beer tastes like vomit already
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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