Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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