hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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