it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
