I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
