Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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