I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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