So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
