I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
how does that bad decision feel?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
