I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
