i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
