Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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