is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
