Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
