No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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