I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please, let me fuck your mom
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
