so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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