Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
