Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
