Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
