OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
