hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
