I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
