I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
