his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
