I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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