dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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