Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
