It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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