my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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