butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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