are you still at the devil's house?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
