'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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