Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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