i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
should my penis look like a turkey
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
