Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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