Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I cut my penus on the lid.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
