its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize