i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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