God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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