you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
