You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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