It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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