she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
