she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
