Kiss
Puke
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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