Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Randomize
