Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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