May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
