Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
