I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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