don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
