that's an acceptable place to lick
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
