This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
