ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
