Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
