Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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